...where every woman over 50 is TOP DOG!

Monday, June 1, 2009

You Bought A...WHAT???

Contributing WOOFer, Joann Dunn (no relation to Lucy Ricardo), is a wife, mother, writer and WOOFer with a wickedly humorous outlook on life.

Twenty years ago, I wouldn't have taken the machete incident with such - well. let's say equanimity." It's a good word and I like to think it applies to many things at this point in my life, although it probably doesn't. But back to the machete.

As I put my coffee cup and newspaper on the table on our screened-in porch, I noticed a largeish object, long and flat, cardboard encased. The printing on the packaging said "Machete. 24 inches." Now twenty years ago I would have screamed "A machete? You bought a machete? Are you crazy?" But I have matured, and I have learned a lot. For instance, if there is going to be an upheaval, you don't want your opposition to be able to answer "no" to the first volley. You want to start with a " yes." So you start off with something like, "Darling, is this a machete?" followed up by something equally innocuous as, "And is it your machete?" See, already you have two yes's." When you get to "And you are going to get rid of this machete, aren't you?" "yes" will be so much easier.

Anyway, twenty years ago I would have said something like "Are you crazy?" Oh, yes, right, I already said that. I would have followed that up with "Do you want the children to kill themselves?" See, totally wrong. Another "no" for an answer. He would have had to defend his machete and "machete" and "manhood" are both "m" words, along with "mother," and we can see where that argument is going.

So, to cut to the chase, the fact that I am over fifty substantially contributed to the peaceful resolution of the question of using a two foot machete to cut the weeds along the back fence, although there was a nasty exchange about Jose Ferrer playing Toulouse Lautrec while walking on his knees, but only those of you over fifty who have seen the old "Moulin Rouge" without the giddy whirling lights will know what I mean.

Joann Dunn Bio:

Joann Wasem Dunn was born and grew up in central Illinois. She graduated summa cum laude from Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois, and received her juris doctor degree from Loyola University School of Law in Chicago where she later taught a number of subjects, including writing.

After moving to the Atlanta area she was a writing consultant to law firms and a portrait painter. In the last few years, she has turned to writing full time, concentrating on fiction. Her series, The Curtis Family Chronicles, set in the Midwest at the end of the 1800’s and the beginning of the twentieth century, consists of three volumes, and she is working on the fourth. She has also written mysteries and humor

She has been nominated for Georgia Author of the Year for 2008, by the Georgia Writer’s Association, for books two and three of the Curtis series, Fortune’s Road and Autumn’s Road. She lives in Marietta with her husband Kevin, a journalist. They have two grown children.

Joann Dunn

Due West Books



Anonymous said...

LOL Thank you for starting my day off with a laugh ... and for the wisdom of the yes vs. no strategy.

Mary Cunningham said...

Glad we could provide a good laugh (and a little wisdom) for you, especially on a Monday!


The Stiletto Gang said...

My only question is where can I get one of those? The machete that is! I have a monster vine that is not the least bit intimidated by my hedge trimmer. A 2 foot long blade should get its attention!

aka The Southern Half of Evelyn David

Mary Cunningham said...

Maybe we can find out from Joann if she'd be willing to sell hubby's. :>)

Good luck with the monster vine!


Eileen Williams said...

I want to personally congratulate you for your masterful handling of the "machete incident." Even though I'm way past fifty myself, I don't know if I would have had your presence of mind. But you were so right: machete and manhood have got to be intertwined in a way that we of the female gender would find difficult to understand. Kudos to you and happy chopping!