...where every woman over 50 is TOP DOG!
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Thursday, September 3, 2009

In-laws


One of the disadvantages of an older marriage is the fact that you may not have the opportunity to know your in-laws.
My father died two years before I met Tom, and both of his parents are deceased. Since we will never have the chance to meet these in-laws in person, Tom and I decided we would get to know them through shared memories and old photographs.

I enjoyed telling Tom stories about adventures with Dad, who definitely marched to the beat of a different drummer. We have spent hours pouring over photo albums as I recalled things I experienced with Dad, weaving in tidbits about his personality, his likes and dislikes, values, etc. I think Tom particularly liked the story about when Dad was teaching me to drive—and the brakes decided to go out on our 1952 Cadillac limousine that my father had purchased in 1964 as a “real steal.” But that wasn’t the worst part. We were traveling (actually careening at that point) down the steepest hill in Eugene, Oregon! I can’t repeat the words Dad used when he was ordering me to stop the car before we hit a very busy intersection. To his dying day, Dad told everyone how I had the presence of mind to pull on the emergency brake; in the midst of all those unmentionable words that—needless to say—did not help the situation!

Tom brought me a photograph of his parents taken shortly after they married in 1943 and we framed it. Tom’s father died when he was only four, so sadly, he doesn’t have many memories of him. But hearing all about Tom’s mother, Alice, has been wonderful. Like—the time she made Tom a red vest when he was chosen to serve at his school’s father/daughter banquet. He was so proud that day, and still has the vest. Through his eyes I saw the sweet, gentle soul who sacrificed so much for her son.

Tom would have liked Dad and I know Alice would have been one of my favorite relatives. And somehow I know that Alice and Dad would have approved of Mr. and Mrs. Tom Lyons.


Melinda




Friday, August 7, 2009

The Games People Play


Another advantage of marriage over fifty is the fact that you no longer play games. Being older and wiser, you realize that you just don't want to waste your time on those petty male/female games most of us used to play. At least that is what Tom and I have experienced.


Life is much more fun when you just relax and do what feels right and comes naturally, instead of doing what you think others expect, or what you were taught is appropriate behavior. As younger people, we also often try to imitate what we perceive as our "roles," rather than just being ourselves. As we age, I think we come to understand that these are all just useless games that we don't want to play.


Tom and I feel we have more of a "take me as I am" relationship. We are better at accepting each other and have learned how to compromise to make each day as happy as possible for both of us. And that is so much easier than playing games!


Melinda

Friday, May 1, 2009

The Red Dress Diary: Entry Eight


Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's entry eight:

Love is Wonderful The Second Time Around. Just as Wonderful With Two Feet on the Ground.
I remember falling in love and becoming a young bride many years ago. I was swept away and didn't worry about anything. Just jumped into the fire...with no money, no home and no real plans beyond the next Christmas. Ignorance is bliss, until you have to face the usual marital problems like personality and lifestyle differences, in-laws and money issues.

This time Tom and I are discussing everything from drawing up new wills and blending families, to handling assets and signing a pre-nuptial agreement. I think age and experience have helped us become better equipped to deal with concerns before they become major hurtful divisions. It seems we are approacing issues more rationally and less emotionally than we did in our first relationships. Wisdom has enabled us to treat this union more respectfully.

The passionate fire produced by young love is truly wonderful. The glowing embers of older love may not be as explosive, but they, too, warm your heart and soul. Love is different this second time around, but it is just as deep. Our feet are on the ground and not in the fire. And it is just as wonderful!

Melinda (Mad Dog)


Click here to read more about Mad Dog's feet...well, really her red shoes!

For Melinda Musings pre-engagement, check out WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty (Echelon Press)

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Red Dress Diary: Entry Two

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's her second entry:

Meeting the Kids...The Rest of the Story:
I was having lunch one day with my niece. It was right before my first trip to meet my fiance's grown children and I was already quite nervous about the upcoming introduction. So her question made me even more aprehensive.

"You aren't going to meet his kids in clothes like that, are you?"

I hadn't bought clothing for quite a while, and I guess I hadn't noticed that my wardrobe was mostly worn and dated. Before I could answer, she quipped, "Well, we will just have to go shopping and get you some 'meet the kids' clothes."

I loved what she picked out, and Tom's daughter immediately complimented me on my attire. When I explained that it was one of my new "meet the kids" outfits, she laughed, paused and then asked, "Dad, how old is that shirt you have on? Maybe you should have been the one to get new 'meet the kids' clothes!"

--Melinda (Mad Dog)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Red Dress Diary: Entry One

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we'll be reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's entry number one:

Meeting the Kids: What a difference four decades make! Widowed at 57, I never dreamed that I would ever find love again after losing my partner of almost 40 years. Then I met Tom, and will be walking down the aisle for the second time as a sixty-year-old bride.

Naturally, everything is completely different with this relationship and subsequent marriage. For one thing, I have gone from having no children to four grown children and seven grandchildren. And that brings us to the topic of this first entry in The Red Dress Diary, aptly named after the fact that I will be married in a red dress.

Meeting Tom's kids was terrifying. But being fearful was wasted energy. Within a few minutes of each introduction, I found myself feeling like I finally had what I always wanted--kids! And although there have been some adjustments to these and many other changes in my life, I feel that meeting and getting to know the kids has made me a better, more accepting person.

I discovered the secret in blending families is to just relax and enjoy the new and different personalities and relationships. I have to admit that the first time one of the girls asked if her son could call me "Mimi," I felt a bit uncomfortable. But that acceptance made me understand that whether we grow up with our family members or inherit them, we just need to accept and respect each other--despite the differences. I am already finding out that when acceptance comes first, love and understanding will just fall into place.

--Melinda (Mad Dog)