WOOF: Furry Friends Friday - Christmas Dogs

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

from the WOOFers!

WOOF is proud to promote pet adoptions and rescues,
but remember:

Pets are not just for Christmas; they're forever.

WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty

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WOOF: Furry Friends Friday - Happy Howlidays!

WOOF: Woop-Woop Wednesday...She Santa?

We can't prove a WOOFer wrote this...but truthfully, we wouldn't be surprised!

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

• Men can't pack a bag.
• Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
• Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
• Men don't answer their mail.
• Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
• Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
• Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
• Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men...

• Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.
• Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
• Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith, and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!! (From the site Comic Relief)

Speaking of Christmas...Remember WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty is the perfect gift for that feisty over fifty woman!

Merry Christmas From WOOF!

If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do...
I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you.
And deliver some things just inside your front door.
Things you have lost, but treasured before.

I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
And, to go along, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

I'd remove all your wrinkles. Leave only one chin
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

You'd never have headaches, so no pills you'd take.
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid.
You'd be a cute chick with the romance of a cupid.

I'd give you a lift when those wolves start to whistle
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm not Santa, but our wish is sincere...
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year!

(courtesy of Maxine)

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