Merry Christmas From WOOF!

If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do...
I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you.
And deliver some things just inside your front door.
Things you have lost, but treasured before.

I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
And, to go along, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

I'd remove all your wrinkles. Leave only one chin
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

You'd never have headaches, so no pills you'd take.
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid.
You'd be a cute chick with the romance of a cupid.

I'd give you a lift when those wolves start to whistle
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm not Santa, but our wish is sincere...
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year!

(courtesy of Maxine)

Like to laugh? You'll discover more funny women stories, limericks and poems when you...

BUY WOOF!