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Wish I'd thought of this years ago!

WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty! 

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WOOF: Media Monday - The "Old As Dirt" Syndrome

Fess up: How many of us WOOFers buy into the "old as dirt" imagine? In posting thoughts I received in one of those anonymous, supposedly uplifting emails, I added my own interpretation, in red.

As I've aged, I've tried to be kinder and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. (I'm my own worse enemy! Not buying into this kinder, gentler garbage)

Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 and 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will. (Still feelin' guilty about all my Facebook time!)

I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the Gen X set. They, too, will get old. (Are you kidding me!! I won't walk through my own house without a coverup!)

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things. (Okay. I'll buy into that)

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect. (Check)

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. (LOL, ROFL, LMAO! Gray hair and wrinkles? Not feeling so blessed)

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. (Feeling more positive? About what? Sags and bags? Ever shrinking retirement income? Knees that creak when I walk? You don't agree? Guess what? I don't care!)

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.  (Now, that's more like it!)

And, don't forget: Laughter is the key!

WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty 

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WOOF: Furry Friends Friday - Ready For Snow??

Courtesy of LOLDogs!

How many of you WOOFers are ready to trade places with this pooch? Record high temps and record humidity are not helping hot flashes and night sweats! Don't know about you, but I'm ready to plop down, naked, in a huge snowdrift and create my own snow angels. Anyone want to join me in, oh, say...January?


In the meantime, stay inside and read!

WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty

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OmniLit

WOOF: Media Monday - Generation Alzheimers

This year, the first wave of Baby Boomers are turning 65 – and with increased age comes increased risk of developing Alzheimer's disease.

While it may be frightening to discuss this terrible disease, Generation Alzheimer's –the defining disease of baby boomers, discusses the facts, the signs, the stages and even the myths.

There is, however, great promise in Alzheimer's research and a focused commitment from the nation’s leaders could make the difference in solving the crisis.

Download a copy of the report. Join Generation Alzheimers and get the facts!

Email: info@alz.org
Phone: 800.272.3900
Alzheimer's Association Public Policy Division
1212 New York Avenue, NW Suite 800
Washington, DC 20005-6105

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WOOF: WOOP- WOOP Wednesday: Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

Recently, I was diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the cup of coffee I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the coffee aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The coffee is getting cold, and I decide to make another cup.

As I head toward the kitchen with the cold coffee, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye-they need water.

I put the coffee on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

The car isn't washed

The bills aren't paid

There is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter

The flowers don't have enough water

There is still only 1 check in my check book

I can't find the remote

I can't find my glasses

And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

For help with this very serious disorder, we recommend a good howl. WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty!

WOOF: Woop-Woop Wednesday - LOL "Prayer"

WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty! Don't own it yet? Click on the title and have it delivered right to your mailbox!

WOOF: Furry Friends Friday: Aging Boomer Drivers

It's inevitable. As we age, our reaction time slows a bit, and we can't see at night like we could in our 30's and 40's. Sadly, we're usually the last to know.

Now, we're not suggesting WOOFers are like the 85-year-old woman who drove to her dentist a few weeks ago on the WRONG SIDE OF I-95, but the NTSB is conducting a study on the effects of aging Baby Boomers hitting the road.

"With the number of people 65 or older expected to double in the next three decades, the elderly are driving more often, are taking longer trips and seem rooted in communities where getting around by car is the only option.

The graying of the roads prompted the National Transportation Safety Board to host a forum this week on aging drivers to analyze the impact of the change...."

So, whether you're noticing subtle changes or worrying about an aging parent, stay sharp and remember, the life you save...

could be your dog's!

When you're not driving, or worrying about it, read WOOF! Women Only Over Fifty

WOOF: Past, Present and Future

A group of 40 year old girl friends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible and they even had an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

***************

For more Women Only Over Fifty thoughts & stories:

WOOF available through Amazon and Echelon Press!

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Accentuate The Pawsitive!

Merry Christmas From WOOF!

If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do...
I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you.
And deliver some things just inside your front door.
Things you have lost, but treasured before.

I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
And, to go along, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

I'd remove all your wrinkles. Leave only one chin
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

You'd never have headaches, so no pills you'd take.
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid.
You'd be a cute chick with the romance of a cupid.

I'd give you a lift when those wolves start to whistle
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm not Santa, but our wish is sincere...
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year!

(courtesy of Maxine)

Like to laugh? You'll discover more funny women stories, limericks and poems when you...

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Why Don't We Just Dance?

The news these days can be pretty darn depressing. Between the recession and mounting expenses, the price of living is skyrocketing. We have rising crime and unemployment rates, lower educational standards, celebrities who act like idiots, politicians who act like celebrities, corporations who have to be bailed out, and regular citizens who won’t take responsibility for their own actions or livelihood—let alone help anyone else. And that is just some of craziness that seems to surround us.

Here’s my theory: All I can do is try to be the best person I know how to be. I can’t change the world, but I can try to make the people around me happy and comfortable. I can be a responsible, productive human being and try to help others who need a hand. Other than that, what can I do? I don’t need to worry so much about things I can’t control.

I heard the new Josh Turner song the other day and loved the philosophy reflected in the lyrics. In “Why Don’t We Just Dance,” he sings: “Nothing but bad news on. Well, it might be me, but the way I see it the whole world has gone crazy. So baby, why don’t we just dance?”

I have a very happy life, and I know that not all the news is bad--but some days it does feel like the world has gone crazy. So on those days when I feel like the world is spinning out of control around me, I can’t think of anything better than “Why Don’t We Just Dance?” Instead of focusing on the negative like we often do as we age, it is a great idea to take a break every once in a while and celebrate life.

Sometimes you just have to kick off your shoes, grab a partner and have some fun!

Melinda

Got Plans?

Hopefully, like fine wine, we all improve with age. One thing I think I am better about as I get older is the need to plan. As a young woman I felt I had to plan everything, and if my plans did not work out for some reason, I would go into a panic. Now I think I am better at "rolling with the flow."

Take yesterday and today for examples. I had planned to work on my new book and do a little housecleaning. But then a friend called who is having marital problems. We talked for almost an hour on the phone yesterday morning. Then some neighbors dropped by. Next thing I knew, it was time to teach my line dancing class, so I didn't get anything done I had planned to do. And today the phone has been ringing off the wall, the cat got sick, and another friend had car trouble. And it's not even noon! The younger Melinda would be upset. The older Melinda just goes with the line from Gone with the Wind uttered by Scarlet O'Hara at the end of the movie, "Tomorrow is another day." And if I don't get everything done tomorrow, either--no problem!

Melinda, aka, Mad Dog

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limericks and poems when you...

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A "Green Bag" Solution

I caught a segment on our local NBC station the other morning on "Debbie Meyer Green Bags." In case you're not familiar with this phenomenon, these bags "prolong the life of your fruits, vegetables and cut flowers without the use of chemicals. Stock up on produce without worrying about rapid spoilage or extend the life of your homegrown fruits and veggies."

Seems these bags absorb and remove damaging gases that are released from ripening fruits and vegetables.

Got me thinking. Wonder how these bags would work on aging WOOFers? Now, before you dismiss the idea of wearing a green bag to work, the grocery, even sitting at your computer, which comprises 90% of my day, imagine just wearing them at night! You spend about 8 hours in bed. That figures out to be one-third of your life. One third that WOULDN'T AGE!

An extra-added benefit...those refried beans you had at dinner? No worries! Green Bags will take care of the consequences!

One problem. Unless I can figure out how to put a bag over my head without asphyxiating, my face is going to look a whole heck of a lot older than my body. Any ideas?

(In the meantime, check out WOOF for more fabulous tips on aging gracefully!)



Milkbone (Mary Cunningham)

Debbie Meyer Green Bags

The Bride Wears...Red??

I was married at nineteen, and widowed at fifty seven. One of the most devastating aspects of that horrible experience was coming to the realization that all our dreams for the future were gone in the blink of an eye.

My husband Sid often quoted those famous lines: Grow old with me. The best is yet to be. I never imagined that I would be doing that with someone else.

But then I met Tom, fell in love and now at sixty—I am planning to be married this coming June. I have had to work through a lot of issues, including happiness guilt. But I am finally at peace with the fact that I will grow old with Tom, not Sid.

Life rarely goes the way we planned. And, as hard as it is, sometimes we have to learn to accept the changes in our lives before we can really embrace and celebrate them.

Sid and those cherished memories will never leave my heart. But I have found that I have room in my heart for Tom, also. How great is that? I am blessed to love and be loved by two wonderful men in my lifetime.

I recently found a red dress to wear at our small family wedding. Red seemed so appropriate, as to me, it says that no matter how old we are and what has happened to us-- there is always hope for new beginnings. It also signifies the fire and passion of youth.

So I am going to wear a vibrant, red wedding dress that says to me “embrace the best of the past, live with joy today, and celebrate the best is yet to be of the future.”

Melinda

When I Grow Up I Want To Be Miss Pattie

My “over 55” neighborhood is a buzz with excitement. We’re having a big celebration for our “Miss Pattie,” who will soon turn 90.

But this won’t be one of those parties you sometimes see on the news, where the elderly wheelchair bound guest of honor gingerly eats a tiny piece of birthday cake. This is Miss Pattie, and she is a 95 pound dynamo who is as sharp as a tack.

Miss Pattie walks most nights, and has a social calendar that could probably make Laura Bush’s life look boring. A true southern belle, she makes “to die for” pecan pralines from scratch and can still charm the best of ‘em! She may not be everything she was at 40, 50, or even 70—but she is darn close.

I recently told her that when I grew up, I wanted to be Miss Pattie. Saying “I want to be like you when I get old” wasn’t respectful, and didn’t seem appropriate, since she really isn’t old.

When I asked what her secret was for the bounce in her step, and the twinkle in her eye, Miss Pattie replied, “No medicine.” Her only “medication” is a daily multivitamin. Her other advice was, “Stay positive, hold on to your faith and hope, and interact with real, live people every single day.” In spite of some adversities she has faced, like being widowed twice, she has managed to follow her own advice.
Genetics, life style and luck do play a role in our longevity. But people like Miss Pattie are wonderful role models for those of us passing through “mature” on our way to “elderly.” She is proof positive that life can continue to be good, even when you are

Mad Dog

TaeKwondo at 51!

Kim Kistler Grobholz, "L. A." born and raised, moved to Frankfurt, Germany in 1970 after meeting and marrying her first husband who she met hiking as a student in Austria. She has two children and has lived in Munich for the past 17 years. She studied music and history at the University of Maryland, and later trained as a veterinary practitioner. She now has her own clinic in Munich. (In the picture with her is her "golden love," Buddy.)

By the time I reached 50, my 26-year-old daughter had her brown belt in Taekwondo after 5 years of regular, dedicated training. She infected me so with her enthusiasm for this Martial Art, that by the time I turned 51, I told myself that I´d try it…if I could get out of bed the next morning after my first training. And I did!

The idea of turning my body into a “fighting machine,” was humorously encouraging. Learning one form after another was a tedious and often frustrating challenge (24 in total. I'm at # 10). The belt tests – which often involved humiliating failures at trying to break a board with a kick or hit - took place every year, from white to yellow to green to blue to red and ultimately – what I hope to be achieving soon – black. This is my 10th year, and the boards break easier as training becomes more intensive and my energy better channeled.

I am almost always the oldest in the group, but that never bothers me. It has been nice to work out with so many young people over the years, to share the same goals and challenges. When it comes to sparring and other exercises, age plays no role, as nature gives us all strengths as well as weaknesses, and both are there to be worked on and transformed.

Martial Arts bring benefits that spill over into one´s daily life. Practicing falls take the fear out of them, bones are strengthened through percussive training and warm-ups, and I noticed quite early that my piano and cello playing improved remarkably. It has something to do with that “Chi-flow” which is what Martial Arts are all about.

It seems that the body is so grateful for improvements as one grows older, benefits, even in memory and concentration, make themselves noticeable. Aging can mean poorer blood circulation as time goes on, but with dedicated training not only muscle tone improves from tip to toe), but the inner organs remain well supplied with nourishment, which our skin reflects.

Turning 60 a few weeks ago, I never felt more vital, healthier, or stronger in my life. I got through those years of physical change without hormone therapy, and finally have the figure I´ve always wanted!

A great gift from my daughter who has been my inspiration.

Thanks, Kim for sharing your inspiring story!

Mary Cunningham (Milkbone)
Mary Cunningham Books

Perks of Being Over Fifty

*Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

* No one expects you to run...anywhere.

* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

* There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

* Things you buy now won't wear out.

* You can eat supper at 4 pm.

* You can live without sex but not your glasses.

* You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

* You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

* You sing along with elevator music.

* Your eyes won't get much worse.

* Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

*You're not "up" on the latest dance moves...and you don't care.

anonymous author(s)


Milkbone (Mary)

Woofers Are Covered!!

(drum roll, please)

Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen. Boys & girls. Dogs and cats (well, maybe not cats! Okay, cats included). We're thrilled to unveil the new cover for our upcoming release, Women Only Over Fifty (WOOF)! A funny, light-hearted break from the normal spin of the world. A humorous little book that will have WOOFers everywhere howling at the moon!

Yep. d.d. dawg (Diana), Mad Dog (Melinda) and Milkbone (Mary) can't wait for the book release by Echelon Press. Looks like July 1.

Watch for updates, because we'll soon be launching the Woofers Club Blog, including a forum were you can "unleash" all your funny stories, frustrations, and vents about the "joys" of the aging process.

So, get ready for the Wild, Wacky, Wonderful World of WOOF!

Doggone, we're good!

WOOFers To The Rescue!

Women Only Over Fifty with a "new leash on life." Have we got a book and a club for you!

From Oprah to Ellen to our water aerobics instructor, it’s all about the joys of aging! How 50 is the new 30! Whatever!

Some of us are hounded by middle-age. We’re dog-tired, wrinkled as a Sharpei and barking like a bitch.

Enter: WOOF: For the over-fifty woman itching to howl at the aging process. From issues of graying hair, expanding waistlines and wrinkling tattoos, to embracing triumph over personal tragedy, WOOF raises four paws to our past accomplishments, present realizations and future dreams.

Are you up to it...dogtrotting alongside this sisterhood taking the second half of life by the tail? We know you are. After all, the past 50 years you’ve gained freedom! You’ve gained power! You’ve gained wisdom!

(Don't tell us you think weight is the only thing you've gained. Oh, you so need
WOOF...)

WOOF! Women Only Over Fifty - Look for it this Summer in your favorite bookstore or online.

“A howl a day keeps the scowl away!”

d.d.dawg, Milkbone & Mad Dog

And, if you're in the West Georgia area, stop by and say, "Hey!" d.d. dawg and Milkbone will be at the Carrollton Mayfest, Saturday, May 3rd from 10:00AM-4:30PM. We'll be "somewhere in the vicinity" of Adamson Square!