The Red Dress Diary: No. 13 -- Young At Heart

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Entry 13:


Young At Heart

It is almost time for me to walk down the aisle in my red dress! (Yikes! I have so much left to do!) As I prepare for this marriage, I have been thinking about our relationship and what is really important to Tom and me.

One of the things that drew us to each other was optimism. We both try to look at life with youthful enthusiasm. Many older men I dated seemed to be constantly griping about the half empty glass. And Tom said he encountered a lot of negative older women.

Life is too short for that kind of thinking. We just want to be happy and have fun! So we have vowed--before we take those most important vows--to try to always remain young at heart.


Melinda (Mad Dog)

Have ideas to help them stay young at heart?
WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty

Buy WOOF!

The Red Dress Diary: 12 -- Your Place or Mine?

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Entry 12:


Your Place or Mine?

Ceremony plans may not be as complicated and detailed when you marry later in life, but there are other decisions older couples have to make.

Most mature couples have two established homes. Deciding which house you will reside in can be a tough decision. In our case, Tom made the decision for us. I had gone from Daddy to dormitory to husband. I never had a place of my own, until I bought and decorated a new home after my husband died.

Tom knew how important it was for me to keep my new found independence, and suggested that we use his place as a weekend second home. But I wanted him to feel our primary residence was his, too. So we bought some new furniture, and replaced a few of my furnishings with Tom's photos and knickknacks. It may be my house, but hopefully we are turning it into our home.


Melinda (Mad Dog)

What's your WOOFer breed? Check it out in WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty

The Red Dress Diary: #10 -- Time Is On Our Side!

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's entry 10:

Time is on Our Side
Shortly after Tom and I became serious, friends and family members began to ask us when we were getting married. We wanted to take things slowly, particularly since I was a widow dealing with some complex emotions. People would say things like, "But you are older. You don't have much time left, you know."

I disagree. Maybe we don't have fifty years of marriage to look forward to, but we do have time--more than we ever had in our younger relationships.

We are not juggling responsibilities, trying to find the balance between being good providers, great parents and worthwhile employees. We are no longer struggling to squeeze a few hours into our hectic schedules to see friends or have a "date night." Sadly, we also don't have to deal with in-laws or taking care of elderly parents. We have fewer distractions and more time to devote to our relationship.

We may not have the quantity we did years ago, but now we have quality time to spend with each other. So time really is on our side.

Melinda (Mad Dog)

Did you know Mad Dog can write a limerick about ANYTHING?!?!? Check it out in WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty

The Red Dress Diary: #9 -- Extra Grandma

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's entry 9:

Extra Grandma Older second marriages can be confusing to young children. They often don't understand the new relationship and how that person fits into the family, particularly when similiar relationships already exist.

This past Christmas we visited Tom's son and his family, including six-year-old Ajay. Tom's grandson told me that he knew his "Grandma" was "My Mommy's Mommy," and that "Oma" was his Dad's Mother (Tom's ex-wife).

Ajay studied me carefully, quite perplexed at first, like he was trying to figure out where to put me and what to call this woman his Grandpa was going to marry. With a big sigh of relief, he grinned and proclaimed, "So you are Extra Grandma!"

Works for me!!

--Melinda (Mad Dog)

For Melinda Musings pre-engagement, check out WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty (Echelon Press)

The Red Dress Diary: Entry Eight

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's entry eight:

Love is Wonderful The Second Time Around. Just as Wonderful With Two Feet on the Ground.
I remember falling in love and becoming a young bride many years ago. I was swept away and didn't worry about anything. Just jumped into the fire...with no money, no home and no real plans beyond the next Christmas. Ignorance is bliss, until you have to face the usual marital problems like personality and lifestyle differences, in-laws and money issues.

This time Tom and I are discussing everything from drawing up new wills and blending families, to handling assets and signing a pre-nuptial agreement. I think age and experience have helped us become better equipped to deal with concerns before they become major hurtful divisions. It seems we are approacing issues more rationally and less emotionally than we did in our first relationships. Wisdom has enabled us to treat this union more respectfully.

The passionate fire produced by young love is truly wonderful. The glowing embers of older love may not be as explosive, but they, too, warm your heart and soul. Love is different this second time around, but it is just as deep. Our feet are on the ground and not in the fire. And it is just as wonderful!

Melinda (Mad Dog)


Click here to read more about Mad Dog's feet...well, really her red shoes!

For Melinda Musings pre-engagement, check out WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty (Echelon Press)

The Red Dress Diary: #7 The Bargain Bride

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's entry #7:

The Bargain Bride:

I am now being referred to as the bargain bride. I guess that is appropriate since I got my dress for less than twenty dollars at a clearance sale, my shoes were half price and our rings came from Sam's. I think we will go with a Wal-Mart cake and the ceremony will take place at our neighborhood clubhouse.

I already have some tongues wagging about the fact that I am being married in a red dress. But hey, that's okay! I think--no, I know--that I am proud of this "give 'em something else to talk about" new nickname. Why spend a lot of money on a second wedding? Or any wedding for that matter? So I'll gladly show off my borrowed tablecloths and punchbowl, home printed invitations, cheap red dress and new title!

--Melinda (Mad Dog)

What secrets would you like revealed in The Red Dress Diary?
Anything special you'd like Mad Dog to cover ... or "uncover?"

The Red Dress Diary: Entry Five

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's entry 5, with a bonus picture! (yeah, now we know what Tom looks like!):



Entry Five: "Blithe Spirit" Tom and I went to see Noel Coward's play recently. It was particularly meaningful, since it is about a writer whose dead first wife is conjured up by a medium. The ghost "moves in" and begins to compete with the second wife for the husband's affections. As funny as it was, it also made me think about having two soul mates in one lifetime.


After spending almost forty years of my life with Sid, I did have some happiness guilt when I fell in love with Tom. But then something occurred to me. Sid was the perfect mate for the nineteen-year-old naive, dependent girl I was when I married him. With luck and hard work, we also managed to weather many changes in our long relationship.


But after Sid died, I was forced to change very drastically. Now I feel that Tom is the perfect mate for the sixty-year-old wiser, stronger and much more independent woman I have become. How lucky is that? Some people only find such deep love once in a lifetime. I am truly blessed to have found the perfect man for me--twice.


--Melinda (Mad Dog)

The Red Dress Diary: Entry Three

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's the third entry:

Thanks a lot!: I was feeling so wonderful about the outcome of meeting my future husband's children for the first time. They had accepted me and made me feel like part of the family.

After returning home, I excitedly called my best friend with the good news. "They really liked me!" I proudly proclaimed.

Without hesitation, she dryly replied, "Well, of course they liked you! You are taking the old man off their hands!"

--Melinda (Mad Dog)

What secrets would you like revealed in The Red Dress Diary?

Anything special you'd like Mad Dog to cover ... or "uncover?"

The Red Dress Diary: Entry Two

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we're reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's her second entry:

Meeting the Kids...The Rest of the Story:

I was having lunch one day with my niece. It was right before my first trip to meet my fiance's grown children and I was already quite nervous about the upcoming introduction. So her question made me even more aprehensive.

"You aren't going to meet his kids in clothes like that, are you?"

I hadn't bought clothing for quite a while, and I guess I hadn't noticed that my wardrobe was mostly worn and dated. Before I could answer, she quipped, "Well, we will just have to go shopping and get you some 'meet the kids' clothes."

I loved what she picked out, and Tom's daughter immediately complimented me on my attire. When I explained that it was one of my new "meet the kids" outfits, she laughed, paused and then asked, "Dad, how old is that shirt you have on? Maybe you should have been the one to get new 'meet the kids' clothes!"

--Melinda (Mad Dog)

The Red Dress Diary: Entry One

Mad Dog's gettin' married! Every Friday we'll be reading from her "secret" diary as the big day approaches! Shhh... Here's entry number one:

Meeting the Kids: What a difference four decades make! Widowed at 57, I never dreamed that I would ever find love again after losing my partner of almost 40 years. Then I met Tom, and will be walking down the aisle for the second time as a sixty-year-old bride.

Naturally, everything is completely different with this relationship and subsequent marriage. For one thing, I have gone from having no children to four grown children and seven grandchildren. And that brings us to the topic of this first entry in The Red Dress Diary, aptly named after the fact that I will be married in a red dress.

Meeting Tom's kids was terrifying. But being fearful was wasted energy. Within a few minutes of each introduction, I found myself feeling like I finally had what I always wanted--kids! And although there have been some adjustments to these and many other changes in my life, I feel that meeting and getting to know the kids has made me a better, more accepting person.

I discovered the secret in blending families is to just relax and enjoy the new and different personalities and relationships. I have to admit that the first time one of the girls asked if her son could call me "Mimi," I felt a bit uncomfortable. But that acceptance made me understand that whether we grow up with our family members or inherit them, we just need to accept and respect each other--despite the differences. I am already finding out that when acceptance comes first, love and understanding will just fall into place.

--Melinda (Mad Dog)

The Bride Wears...Red??

I was married at nineteen, and widowed at fifty seven. One of the most devastating aspects of that horrible experience was coming to the realization that all our dreams for the future were gone in the blink of an eye.

My husband Sid often quoted those famous lines: Grow old with me. The best is yet to be. I never imagined that I would be doing that with someone else.

But then I met Tom, fell in love and now at sixty—I am planning to be married this coming June. I have had to work through a lot of issues, including happiness guilt. But I am finally at peace with the fact that I will grow old with Tom, not Sid.

Life rarely goes the way we planned. And, as hard as it is, sometimes we have to learn to accept the changes in our lives before we can really embrace and celebrate them.

Sid and those cherished memories will never leave my heart. But I have found that I have room in my heart for Tom, also. How great is that? I am blessed to love and be loved by two wonderful men in my lifetime.

I recently found a red dress to wear at our small family wedding. Red seemed so appropriate, as to me, it says that no matter how old we are and what has happened to us-- there is always hope for new beginnings. It also signifies the fire and passion of youth.

So I am going to wear a vibrant, red wedding dress that says to me “embrace the best of the past, live with joy today, and celebrate the best is yet to be of the future.”

Melinda