Eye Of My Heart - Barbara Graham - A Review

I have the distinct pleasure of reviewing Barbara Graham's New York Times Best Seller, "Eye Of My Heart," a collection of 27 writers who reveal the hidden pleasures and perils of being grandmothers, recently released in paperback! But, first, here's a little insight into the author/editor.

Barbara Graham Bio:

Until my granddaughter, Isabelle Eva, was born in 2006, I had no clue just how complicated—and full of wonder—the role of grandmother could be. But when I turned to the place I always turn to for wisdom—books—I couldn’t find anything literary that addressed my alternately joyful, perplexing, painful, amusing—but always profound—new status. And so Eye of My Heart: 27 Writers Reveal the Hidden Pleasures and Perils of Being a Grandmother was born.

I have been working as an essayist and journalist for twenty-five years. Some of the magazines in which my articles have appeared are: O, The Oprah Magazine (where I’ve been a contributing writer), Time, More, National Geographic Traveler, Food & Wine, Glamour, People, Redbook, Self, Tricycle, Utne Reader, and Vogue. I’ve been very lucky to have met editors who share many of my preoccupations—children (and now grandchildren), death, insomnia, food, impossible mothers—and they invite me to write about these subjects.

I trained as an actress and in my twenties I began writing plays. My work has been produced at theatres around the country and in Europe, and published by Dramatists Play Service. Two plays, Jacob’s Ladder and Camp Paradox, were produced Off-Broadway in New York City at the WPA Theatre, and another play, Polishing Silver, was commissioned by the Actors Theatre of Louisville. I have been playwright-in-residence at Trinity College, Hartford, and a resident fellow at the Millay Colony for the Arts.

My early resume also includes (but is not limited to) stints as a nude model at the Art Students’ League in New York; cocktail waitress at the El San Juan Hotel in Puerto Rico; batik artist (for which I had zero talent) in Topanga Canyon; spaghetti western typist at a dubbing studio in Rome; and my personal favorite, publicist for an outpatient leprosy clinic at a hospital near San Francisco. Many of my jobs lasted only until lunch.

I have a son, Clay McLachlan, an exceptional photographer, who with his wife, Tamar, and my granddaughter, Isabelle Eva, the eye of my heart and the inspiration for the book, divide their time between Paris and Italy.



Author photo by Richard Mallory Allnutt

"Eye Of My Heart" review:

This collection of passionate, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes funny stories begins with a beautiful introduction by Mary Pipher who's own grandson, A. B. is the "somersault king of Nebraska."

Did I get your grandmotherly attention with that little nugget? All our grandchildren are special in one way or another and "Eye Of My Heart" brings out the compassion, joy and pain of being Nonna, Nana, Oma, Sooz, or Grandma.

Intriguing titles such as, How I Got To Be The Queen of England, by Elizabeth Berg, and The Owie Tree, by Sandra Benetiz makes this book a must read regardless of which path your grandmotherhood has taken. And, then Déjà Vu chronicling the fear, depression and resentment that Marcie Fitzgerald faces in raising her psychologically-challenged grandson, the son of a daughter, incapable of raising her own child.

In the title piece, Eye of My Heart, Barbara Graham faces the pain of separation from her two-month old granddaughter, Isabelle Eva, when her family moves back to Paris. Her Buddhist teachings helped her cope with the realization that she's "non-essential personnel" in her granddaughter's life. Many of us can relate to that uncomfortable, but sometimes freeing realization in the lives of our grandchildren.

In Roxanna Robinson's story, Nana, she comes to grips with the fact that she isn't in charge; she can adore without being responsible. She says, "It's like being told you no longer have to eat vegetables, only dessert—and really only the icing."

"Eye of My Heart" is pure icing. Chocolate fudge, at that!

To read more about Barbara Graham, click here for a recent interview.

To order the newly released paperback version of, "Eye Of My Heart" on Amazon

To read more about Barbara Graham, visit her website

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For more Women Only Over Fifty thoughts & stories:

WOOF available through Amazon and Echelon Press!

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Eye Of My Heart - An Interview With Barbara Graham

WOOF is proud to bring you an interview with Barbara Graham, the author of Women Who Run With Poodles (how perfect for WOOFers!) and Eye Of My Heart...

"Until my granddaughter, Isabelle Eva, was born in 2006, I had no clue just how complicated—and full of wonder—the role of grandmother could be. But when I turned to the place I always turn to for wisdom—books—I couldn’t find anything literary that addressed my alternately joyful, perplexing, painful, amusing—but always profound—new status. And so Eye of My Heart: 27 Writers Reveal the Hidden Pleasures and Perils of Being a Grandmother was born."
A conversation with Barbara Graham, editor of Eye of My Heart, conducted by Mark Matousek, author of When You’re Falling, Dive; and Sex, Death, Enlightenment, and a former editor at Interview magazine.

Q: What made you decide to write about being a grandmother?

A: From the moment my son and daughter-in-law announced that a baby was on the way, I began to get an inkling of just how complicated grandmotherhood could be—especially since they were living overseas at the time and my husband and I lived in Washington.

Q: Is that when you decided on grandmotherhood as a subject?

A: No. But I started keeping a very detailed journal of my experience right after Isabelle Eva was born. There was such a riptide of emotion and, being a writer, I simply had to record it in order to make sense of it. By then my son and daughter-in-law had moved to DC to be near us—an incredible gift—and they found a house a mile away. I held Isabelle when she was just minutes old.

Q: When did you suspect that your experience might turn into a book?

A: Soon after she was born, my daughter-in-law and I were walking her around the neighborhood and it just hit me how radically different grandmotherhood is from motherhood. Interestingly, the same primal protective—even possessive—feelings get triggered, but when you become a grandmother you realize very quickly that you have absolutely no control, no say in anything. That afternoon I understood for the first time that Isabelle is mine—but not mine. I thought it would be interesting to explore the range of emotions and experiences that were getting stirred up.

Q: What made you decide to invite other writers to join you in exploring the subject instead of writing your own book?

A: Originally I planned to write my own book, but when Isabelle was four weeks old my son and his wife concluded that moving to Washington had been a mistake—even though they enjoyed being near us—and one month later they were on a plane headed back to Europe. After that I only saw her in brief, intense spurts, a week here, two weeks there.

Q: That must have been really difficult.

A: There are no words to describe my grief when they left. It felt like a death. But it wasn’t a death, just a dramatic change in circumstances beyond my control. At a certain point, I realized that I simply had to get past my feelings of loss. I had to reconfigure my relationship to my son and his family, as well as my own longing to be involved in Isabelle’s life in an ongoing way, when every visit doesn’t have to be planned months in advance.

Q: Do you think the stories are different now than they were in your grandmother’s time or even when your own mother became a grandmother?

A: Absolutely. Our lives are so different. Most grandmothers I know—certainly those of my boomer generation—work and continue to pursue their own passions in life, which almost always include but aren’t limited to their grandchildren. Many of us have been divorced and our extended families include stepgrandparents, as well as the usual other set of grandparents. Many grandmothers, like me, live far away from the grandkids. My own grandmother lived a few blocks from our house and was available to take care of me at a moment’s notice.

Q: How did you go about finding the contributors?

A: Every which way. I started with two writer friends—Kate Lehrer and Susan Shreve—who are grandmothers. They immediately signed on and suggested other writers. Other friends knew someone who knew someone. I also combed the internet trying to figure which authors whose work I love are grandmothers—not information easily come by. Maybe because it connotes being a woman of a certain age, many writers who are devoted grandmothers don’t mention that fact in their bios. I also called several contributors out of the blue.

Q: Obviously, you got a good response.

A: This was a book waiting to happen. One author said, “This will give me a chance to explore issues I’ve been avoiding since my grandchildren were born.”

Q: I was really struck by just how revealing the stories are. Weren’t the writers worried about offending their adult children?

A: Yes, so much so that two of the contributors wrote under pseudonyms. I encouraged each writer to be as honest as possible without endangering her invitation to future Thanksgiving dinners.

To read more about Barbara Graham, visit her website

New out in Paperback! To order "Eye Of My Heart" on Amazon

Coming soon, a review of "Eye Of My Heart." (an absolutely amazing collection of stories in this WOOFer's opinion!)

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For more Women Only Over Fifty thoughts & stories:

WOOF available through Amazon and Echelon Press!

Buy New WOOF Download Companion

Accentuate The Pawsitive!