Resolution: Outsource Resolutions!

I realize there's a lot of debate about outsourcing. BUT in the interest of becoming a "more perfect WOOFer" and utilizing my time and energy to the optimum (while bequeathing my bestest WOOFer buds a reason for living and breathing), I hereby, thusly, and all that jazz, outsource my 2009 resolutions:

To Milkbone: All of my cardio and strength training exercise; payment (in full) of any and all of my health club membership dues; my mammogram and colonoscopy exams.

To Mad Dog: Any and all of my financial debt, to be paid in full by January 2; successful increase of my annual income to $500 billion by January 3.

To Alpha Canine: All of my current volunteer responsibilities; founding and funding a new 501c3 (The d.d. dawg Do Good Stuff Foundation) to save the planet, stop hunger, cure cancer and clone Johnny Depp.

To Pedigree: Any and all of my marketing, emailing and blogging duties; successfully scheduling interview spots for ME ALONE on Ellen & Oprah.

Wow, I feel new and improved already! Wait. Perhaps I should outsource my feelings to...Hey, where'd everybody go?!?!?

Now it's YOUR turn...Let the outsourcing begin!

(Speed read the following like an announcer at the end of a drug ad: Recent research shows that while 52% of participants in a Resolution study were confident of success with their goals, only 12% actually achieved their goals. Men achieved their goal 22% more often when they engaged in goal setting, a system where small measurable goals are used (lose a pound a week, instead of saying "lose weight"), while women succeeded 10% more when they made their goals public and got support from their friends.)

-- d.d. dawg (Diana)

For the HOWLidays!

We got your WOOF stuff right "cheer!"

We got your Faux Paws!

We got your Bones to Pick!

We got your Tail Waggers!

Order WOOF today from

Echelon Press or Amazon!

We Call Her ...The ALPHA Dog

My friend, Diana, aka d.d. dawg, suggested I write a blog about how I came up with the WOOFer idea and what I expected life to be like at 50 and/or 60.

Well, let's get something straight right off, this really wasn't my idea. It's a wonderful idea and I’d like to take credit for it, but I simply mentioned starting a club since we were all turning 50. (Actually, I’d already reached that milestone a few years before, but Diana and Mary were about to join me.) That’s the extent of my contribution. They took the ball and ran with it. I merely stood on the sidelines and cheered them on.

Now, concerning my expectations about turning 50, I guess it depends on how old I was when I thought about it. At 21, I was probably thinking, “I hope they just take me out and shoot me.” At 49, I was probably trying to figure out how many years I could claim to be 49. I tried being 39 for several years until my son turned 30 and no one was buying it anymore.

The year I turned 50, I became a grandmother for the first time. It happened again when I was 54. When this occurs, it’s a life changing experience. Totally different from motherhood. Grandchildren are God’s gift to you for surviving parenthood. I can’t tell you how much I love my granddaughters. They made my life complete.

Also, in my fifties, I bought my first house, something I swore I’d never do. Now I spend my time mowing the yard, pulling weeds, cleaning up dog poop left by neighbor's pets, and thinking about washing my windows. Did I mention I couldn't be happier about it?

Near the end of my fifties, I was fortunate enough to retire. I taught elementary school for 36 years. I’ve since been lucky enough to travel places I never thought I’d see (Did you know they have tours for people on budgets? You just have to hop on someone else's schedule -- getting up at the crack of dawn to make sure your luggage is out in the hall so it gets on the bus.)

Now I am in my sixties—okay, 65 to be exact. My “friends” call me Medicare Carol. I’m blessed with wonderful friends, young and old, and good health. I exercise regularly and am actually below the weight on my driver's license. Who would have thought it?

Life goes on with changes, some good, some I’d rather pass on given a choice. (Oh, that reminds me, did I mention the wonderful granddaughter born when I was 50 is getting ready to take driver's ed? Oh, yeah, and those footprints? They belong to her!) I move slower and scare myself when I look in the mirror, but truly, I am content. Would I change anything? Well, we'd all like more money, right? But in reality I have it all....family, friends, health, and enough money to pay the energy bills. At least I do this month.

If you’re reading this, I’m sure it is an edited version. Diana and Mary are both much better writers than I am. (That is probably the one sentence that wasn't changed.) I’m sure you will enjoy reading the WOOFer book. It’s filled with wit and insight, and will help you as on move through your own glorious life journey.

--Carol Proffitt (aka Alpha Canine)

(Pictured: Dot (Pedigree), Diana (d.d. dawg), Mary (Milkbone) and seated before us, Carol (The Alpha Canine)

Stair Master?

I've gained a few pounds. Well, maybe more than a few. I refuse to get on a scale, and even go so far as to shut my eyes when I'm weighed at the doctor's office.

I couldn't hide from reality, however, when transferring winter clothes to my closet and then half of them back out again because THEY DIDN'T FIT! I'm talking jeans and pants that I got LAST YEAR! *sigh*

And, the holidays are upon us! Time to make my favorite treats! Chocolate fudge and sugar cookies to name a couple. No chance that I won't pack on even more pounds before Christmas!

Sitting in my dark closet, sucking my thumb, I remembered a segment on one of the morning shows from today...or yesterday. Oh, whenever! Some 110 pound twenty-something aerobics bunny suggested a way to get those unwanted winter pounds off when the weather was too nasty to exercise outdoors.

"Utilize the stairs in your home or at work!" she said, flashing a sparkling, perfectly white smile. "Start slowly. Maybe 5 minutes, 3 times a day."

I took my thumb out of my mouth, stood up and threw open the closet door. Piece a cake! I can do this! When we first moved into our two-story home, complete with full basement, I lost about ten pounds just going up and down the stairs a hundred or so times a day!

I stood at the bottom of the stairs and plotted my strategy. I would start off slowly. Ten times running up and down the stairs. Then I'd increase to twelve, then fourteen. Yep. That was my strategy for today.

Up-Down. Up-Down. Uuup-Dowwwwn. Uuuuuuup (huff, huff)-Down. Uuuuuuuuuuup (wheeze, gasp, pant)-Down. After just five times up and down the stairs, my life flashed before my eyes and I weighed the possibility of making it to the phone in the family room to call 911.

Eventually, I did make it back up the stairs...one step at a time. Tomorrow's exercise? Throwing away everything in my closet that isn't elastic.

Mary Cunningham (Milkbone)